"The Mess I Made"

So there is something going on with me! I can't say that I've beaten this weird streak of empty feeling i've been having lately. Someone called me 'Negative, actually very Negative' for the first time ever in my life today. Really? Me? Negative? Truth is, Yea! Right now, unfortunately i am, and i really didn't realize it until the words actually came from her mouth. But truth is, that's not me. I wouldn't say I'm always the most positive person, but i am a realist and happy and positive for the most part, except lately....

Doesn't matter who you are or what you do, you've gotten under my skin. You know who you are. Everything you've done, everything you do and everything you are continually doing just seems to irritate me. And though there are traits that i don't necessarily agree with or even like, this is still my fault. I don't know why i'm having these feelings, because it didn't use to be like that with you all the time. things used to be great. However right now, i just can't stand anything. Some of it is just you being you, some of it is you picking fights with me, and some of it is you just deliberately trying to get under my skin so that i can mess up and you'll have all the ammo you need to hold over my head, like you continually do. It's just so frustrating because as high of standards as i hold you too, I hold myself to even higher ones. and when you fall short, which you always do....I fall much shorter of my own expectations i have for myself.

I know that you're going to think this post is about YOU. It's not just about you, it's about everyone... all of you... all of us! I look at my life and think to myself everyday that there is so much that needs to change in this world. Yea it's a crappy place filled with sin, malice and greed, but the only thing i can concentrate on changing is myself. That's the one thing in my life that truly needs to change and i actually have the power to make that happen. Yea, life is a struggle. I need to do something about it and not just spectate from the sidelines. It's time to let go of the anger and concentrate on the love and hope we could all have in one another. do something....

"A man is about as big as the things that make him angry"