"On My Mind"

As I sit here right now, simply reflecting on a long and draining day of where I produced little value to help this struggling economy, I can't help but kick myself. I see the reflection of myself in my computer screen and realize, I am in no way the guy I want to be. I read this really interesting line once: "Lord, help me to be the guy my dog thinks I am!" He says that because the love and understanding a dog has for his master, is something that we as humans will never know. It's something that we will and should strive for each and every day, but will simply never reach it. It's a love that is unconditional, and no matter how much any of us say that we want to love in an unconditional manner, we will always fall short. Jesus loves us unconditionally, why can't I just love my family, my friends and for that matter, anyone I don't know with just a fraction of how he loves me. Lately I don't think I've even done a good job at loving myself, either that or I've been loving myself too much...

j.roberts

Lately, I just haven't been a good friend. It really goes into the same category of not being good at looking for love right now. The way my heart was desecrated by the only girl I've ever loved has truly taken it's toll. It almost took a section of my heart, which had nothing buy love built into it, and just wiped it out of my persona. It has always been normal for me to be the servant. I loved giving to others. It's probably the reason I enjoyed being a waiter so much. I didn't do it for the money, but rather just the fun I got out of it being around people. The satisfaction I receive from human interaction is unlike anything I can describe. Which helps to explain the love I have for the job I'm with now. But why has the tragedy that has fallen upon my heart in the past year affected the way I love people in my everyday life? I'm such a better friend, a better son, a better brother and a better uncle than I've shown over the past months. God made me better. I need to be better. I'm sorry to you, all of you. I have nothing to be down about and the friendships I've gained with you are far more important to me than the love I've lost or the pain I've felt. It's weird. I feel tested. Never in my life have I also been having so many people test my patience or push my buttons. But I'm better than all of it. God wants me to show them love too, and I can do that. Michael Jordan was always hated too. Forgive me and I'll hopefully fly higher than you've ever seen me before. 'Til next time, pay it forward.

"There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your hearts desire. The other is to gain it!"