"Here Is Gone"

i want that feeling. the feeling of inspiration. that feeling that makes my entire body tingle with nothing but pure emotion. there are so many superficial things that attribute to that feeling. A song, a verse, a passage, a moment in a movie or TV show. but none of that is real. nothing in any of those examples can give me any sort of sense of what it would be like to have a moment like that in my own life. sure, sometimes i wish real life were like a movie. I wish there was music every time I'm having a brooding thought or sunshine whenever my day is going perfect. And yes, i wish that every time something is wrong, i had a crowd full of people who are just waiting to say how sad it is, and makes them reflect on their own problems. I wish my life was something that touched other people. sure there are the few that it does, and i know this. I'm very thankful for all of them. but what can't i be that light unto the world. i wear it around my neck, why can't i be it? Why is it so hard to be perfect?

Lately, people in my life have been asking me why! it doesn't matter the person, and it doesn't matter the topic, the cases i speak of make me think that i'm not leaning the right way. and maybe they're right. maybe i'm losing my way a bit. it's tough, trying to survive this box known as life. I'm doing something that most people i know never had to deal with. i'm trying to make something out of myself in a place where i have no family. no friends who've known me longer than a couple months, and no normalcy in a daily routine. the fear of falling asleep, only to wake up in the same place and know that the world you desperately seek is still not there, is a draining feeling each and every day. God has blessed me with some amazing things down here, amazing people, but have i done all that i can to benefit them? to make them better versions of themselves? make them better than they ever thought they could be? im not sure that i have. i want to. i should. i need to. i'm going to. prepare to be pushed to the limit. know that you can hold yourself in a higher light than anyone has ever seen you before. you can and will absolutely amaze people. til the next time. . .Live, Laugh, Love!

"everlasting, your light will shine when all else fades. never ending, your glory goes beyond all things"